"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.".
Genesis 1:24 (Contemporary English Version).
I recently attended a wedding where I was the hired audio technician. This meant, like other times where I have provided this service that I did not know anyone in the wedding party or the families represented in attendance. Being a casual observer gives me a chance to objectively observe the proceedings..
Invariably, every bride desires her father to walk her down the aisle and bless the union by giving her away to her beloved spouse-to-be. Even when daddy may have failed miserably in giving of himself to his little princess in the way she always needed him too. And, when daddy cannot be there because maybe he has passed away or is not a part of her life, the bride will usually seeks out a father figure to stand in his place..
This speaks to the intrinsic need of every little girl's need to have that fairy tale moment when king and princess march down the aisle together to present her to her chosen Prince Charming. I have seen many hurts, absences and grievous failures on king daddy's part forgiven, at least for a brief moment, in order to have that dream come true moment..
This dream come true moment was so important to my bride that, even though we got married at my father-in-law's church, she did not want her father to perform the wedding. She wanted her daddy to walk down the aisle, present her to me, and be standing next to her, ready to answer when the preacher asked, "Who presents this woman to be married to this man". This was a place of honor in her eyes and heart, one she had dreamed of him holding her whole life..
In the way that God ordained the universe, every little princess is supposed to have her daddy as her original first love. He has the awesome duty of teaching g her how she should expect to be loved by that man she eventually chooses to spend the grown up years of her life with. She needs to know that not only is she still his little girl, she needs to know that he approves of her choice and that her first love is willing to give over his role in her life to her husband-to-be. If her daddy has done his job correctly, she will truly find a Prince Charming that is capable of actually loving, cherishing, and providing her essential emotional needs better than he can. it is always obvious when this has been achieved or not by how the exchange between daddy, his little girl, and his soon to be new son goes before, during and after the ceremony..
Every little princess dreams of her someday Prince Charming, but in the time until she gives herself fully to him, daddy will always be her first and most meaningful love. If her daddy has done his job correctly, leading up to this day, he can hand over her hand with confidence and accept her choice as a son, not just the son-in-law who stole his daughter away from him. He can be confident knowing that his new son had to meet and most likely exceed his love and treatment of her to have been found acceptable in her eyes..
My little princess will one day come home with a boy for my inspection. As much as I treasure, I know God has created someone who will treasure her more than me. I am preparing her to only recognize him when she finds him, but also to be prepared physically, mentally, and spiritually to be the best partner to him she can be. This is because I understand how much fulfillment she will discover from a happy and harmonious home with a growing and loving marriage relationship at its center..
I plan on helping her out. On or around one of her late teen birthdays I will present her with a single glass slipper (that will hopefully fit her feet then and on her wedding day). I will keep the other one. This way she will always know if a young man asks her for her hand in marriage and he does not have the other slipper in hand when he proposes, he has not yet loved her enough to honor her by asking me for her hand before asking that big question. But, the man who shows up with that slipper in hand, she will know that not only do I approve of him, but I believe he is the one to whom I am happy to turn the heart I have held and guarded her whole lifelong to..
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Every Little Princess Needs a King Who's Heart She Can Captivate
One of the biggest movie hits of this last summer was a film adaptation of the modern musical theater success, Mama Mia, based on the 70's era radio hits of the Swedish mega group ABBA. I will admit I was one of few men who eagerly not only rushed out and watched it opening weekend, but sang my heart out in the theater, much to my wife's chagrin, and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
No, I am not a gay man hiding in a sham of a marriage. I am very much in touch with my masculinity and am not so much of a wimp that it can be threatened by girly men who can only gauge their masculinity by what other posers think of it.
No, I am the father of a daughter. I am a father of a daughter who has always known her daddy and known the depth of her daddy's absolute infatuation with her. Aside from all of the fun music, embarrassing situations and humorous moments, "Mama mia" is about a twenty year old girl who is about to get married and even though she is a grown woman on the outside, on the inside she is still an incomplete little girl looking for what she never received from her daddy growing up.
The world today tells us that two parents really aren't necessary. It almost seems like every time we turn around single parenthood is celebrated and two parent families are relegated to insignificance. In the movie, Sophia's mother comments that her daughter has never needed a father. This is a lie the world has collectively bought into, but individually don't believe. This is evidenced in the opening scenes of the movie when Sophia intimates to her best friends that there is a part of her that has always been missing and she may never be completely whole until she really gets to know her father.
It is of no little significance that little girls need to know that they captivate their daddy’s hearts and that daddy’s delight in being captivated by their little princesses. It is a completion of the picture of the image of God that was sparked in creation and finds it most complete refinement in marriage. In that relationship with her daddy a little girl not only learns that she truly is a masterpiece of God’s workmanship, but what she should expect from a romantic relationship with her future spouse and why she is valuable enough to hold out for him only. It is also from this relationship that she learns how to relate to her heavenly father. As much as her earthly father wants to love, protect, teach, and even dote over her, it is only a shadow of the glory her heavenly father wants to bestow upon her.
It seems like an awesome responsibility to put on a relationship that is almost certainly doomed to failure many times along the walk through life. It is, but we are not talking about just any relationship. We are talking about the one that will set the archetype in a young girl’s life for shaping her understanding of what it means to be made in the very image of God.
In the Genesis story of Creation God, the Trinity has a conversation and says, “Let us make man in our image” (Genesis 1:26). Now Adam is created and for the first time God says after creating something, “it is not good” (Genesis 2:18). Adam was the only thing that moved upon the earth that was alone and God decided it was not good for Adam to be alone like all of the other creatures of the earth.
So God caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam and he opened up his flesh and removed a rib. Now in the original language the word for rib is צלע (tsela) meaning side or chamber. From the context of the passage it is not entirely clear how much of Adam God removed in order to fashion Eve, but let’s just say it was a little bit more significant than just a rib. A large portion, possibly “his better half” as the cliché is fond of noting, was removed from Adam. You could say that he opened Adam up, took out Adam’s side and left him with a chamber needing to be refilled.
I think it is interesting to note here that God knew what he was doing when he created man and woman. He knew that he was creating them intrinsically different. John Eldredge points out in his book, Wild at Heart that Adam was created in the wilderness. God formed Adam in the wild and isn’t until after Adam’s creation that he is introduced into the Garden of Eden. Further, I would like to point out that not only was man created in the wilderness; he was created of the stuff of the wild. God created Adam from the dirt of the ground and then breathed life into him. Eve, on the other hand, was created in the garden and was fashioned from Adam’s flesh—a more refined model, yet still created in the image of God.
Now God had created Adam, in the wilderness, made of the stuff of the wild, and had breathed his essence into him. God had placed Adam into the Garden and commanded him to dominate everything in it. God created Adam to be strong, wild, and fierce, just like him, but just like God needed intimate companionship so did Adam. So, God not only created Adam a suitable companion for him but created it from a portion of Adam’s own being, so that no only would she fulfill his need for companionship, but he would need her to have his missing stuff back, so that he would desire he for intimacy—so he would welcome her into the deepest parts of his being because she already belonged there.
Now the story unfolds from there and God wakes Adam up and introduces Eve to him. Adam, to understate things, is overwhelmingly impressed. He is so impressed that he gives Eve his name. Man in the original language of the text is איש (‘iysh) meaning “man” and אשה (‘ishshah) meaning “woman” or more literally “opposite of man” (Genesis 2:23).
So, there we have man and woman created. Both are completely and uniquely different from each other. Both are completely and uniquely created in the image and likeness of God. When the two come together they form a whole that not only transcends the sum of the parts, but also forms a more complete representation of the image of God. Kind of putting back together the puzzle of the original creation that God separated when he created the two sexes. And, the pairing of that union has been given the potential of creation’s power—to replicate the image of God through the production of offspring, thereby fully completing the image of God represented in the Trinity: Father-Son-Spirit—Man-Woman-Child. This is essential truth, existent since the beginning of history.
The father-daughter relationship is the first experience a little girl has where this bond to her creator is affirmed. The first hint at the complete fulfillment of the image of God is experienced when she knows she has captivated her daddy’s heart. She doesn’t know that yet, but God is there and the revelation will develop over time and become more obvious as her mind develops and her father, her first priest introduces her to God and the revelation provided through the written word.
We live in a world that resists with all of its being the truth that men and women are not equals. They were created uniquely different in the image and likeness of the creator God. Only when these differences can we truly see that image for all that it is. And only then can we understand the miracle that happens in the love relationships that exist between a man and woman whether it is a father and a daughter or the romantic relationship of a husband and a wife. It is in those relationships that the fullness of the image of God is found in all of creation. When that truth is abandoned, the consequence is that man (and woman) is left alone and incomplete, needing to find something to complete himself.
This is where our heroine in Mama Mia, Sophia, has found herself. Never having known her father, there is a big hole in her identity that needs to be filled. There are certain things that only a father can impart to a daughter that she has never had in her life that she has always missed and still wants to know if they can be had in the literal moments before she is to be married. She wants to know if that hole can be filled and if her identity can be made complete so she can finally feel whole before she offers herself as a wife on her wedding day. Her mother, on the other hand, not knowing what her daughter has felt her whole life or that her daughter has orchestrated the arrival of the three possible fathers to her home, just prior to the wedding, is angry because, in her mind, Sophia had never needed a father before and she is not about to be pushed aside by the arrival of one now, just before the wedding.
As I watched this movie, the second time (I honestly was caught up in the fun of the story and the nostalgia of the music the first time around), I couldn’t help but reflect on how sadly it is indicative of the times we live in. An entire planet of people live disconnected from the knowledge that they are the image of their creator on earth. This results in an identity crisis. Because of this identity crisis man runs around trying to find “himself” rather than trying to reconnect with the creator God and reaffirm his identity as the image of God on earth. As a consequence a breakdown begins to occur in all things that would normally affirm the God-image relationship: fathers are deemed as unnecessary, single motherhood is celebrated, marriage is treated as an experiment rather than a commitment, and more parents farm their kids out to daycare so they can have everything they want rather than commit to raising them themselves so their children can have everything they need.
Note: The following paragraphs are for all men, not just fathers.
It is not hard to understand why a girl can reach adulthood feeling that hole in her being. Unfortunately, unlike Sophia, most will never understand the source of that need and will try many dad replacements to fill it with, often on a path of self-destruction. That is why every little girl needs to feel like she is a princess and that she has a king’s heart to captivate. As Men of God we are called to be gap standers. Throughout scripture we are admonished to do the work of true religion—to care for those who are incapable of caring for them, to stand up for the weak, to be fathers to the fatherless, to care for widows and orphans.
Men there are lots of girls out there who have either not had a dad in their lives or have had a dad who have left them wounded and scarred. Some of us may not have children and God may place a little girl who has an absent father on our hearts to be a surrogate father to. Or, maybe another man may have children who have grown and moved away, but God has brought an older girl or even a grown woman into your life who had an abusive or non-existent father who not only never got what they needed from their father growing up but also needs to walk through healing before they can feel whole in that part of their life. These are not only potential father-daughter relationships God is calling you to they are mission opportunities. Pray about them. Discuss them with you wife and open your family to them. It just might be some of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
No, I am not a gay man hiding in a sham of a marriage. I am very much in touch with my masculinity and am not so much of a wimp that it can be threatened by girly men who can only gauge their masculinity by what other posers think of it.
No, I am the father of a daughter. I am a father of a daughter who has always known her daddy and known the depth of her daddy's absolute infatuation with her. Aside from all of the fun music, embarrassing situations and humorous moments, "Mama mia" is about a twenty year old girl who is about to get married and even though she is a grown woman on the outside, on the inside she is still an incomplete little girl looking for what she never received from her daddy growing up.
The world today tells us that two parents really aren't necessary. It almost seems like every time we turn around single parenthood is celebrated and two parent families are relegated to insignificance. In the movie, Sophia's mother comments that her daughter has never needed a father. This is a lie the world has collectively bought into, but individually don't believe. This is evidenced in the opening scenes of the movie when Sophia intimates to her best friends that there is a part of her that has always been missing and she may never be completely whole until she really gets to know her father.
It is of no little significance that little girls need to know that they captivate their daddy’s hearts and that daddy’s delight in being captivated by their little princesses. It is a completion of the picture of the image of God that was sparked in creation and finds it most complete refinement in marriage. In that relationship with her daddy a little girl not only learns that she truly is a masterpiece of God’s workmanship, but what she should expect from a romantic relationship with her future spouse and why she is valuable enough to hold out for him only. It is also from this relationship that she learns how to relate to her heavenly father. As much as her earthly father wants to love, protect, teach, and even dote over her, it is only a shadow of the glory her heavenly father wants to bestow upon her.
It seems like an awesome responsibility to put on a relationship that is almost certainly doomed to failure many times along the walk through life. It is, but we are not talking about just any relationship. We are talking about the one that will set the archetype in a young girl’s life for shaping her understanding of what it means to be made in the very image of God.
In the Genesis story of Creation God, the Trinity has a conversation and says, “Let us make man in our image” (Genesis 1:26). Now Adam is created and for the first time God says after creating something, “it is not good” (Genesis 2:18). Adam was the only thing that moved upon the earth that was alone and God decided it was not good for Adam to be alone like all of the other creatures of the earth.
So God caused a deep sleep to come upon Adam and he opened up his flesh and removed a rib. Now in the original language the word for rib is צלע (tsela) meaning side or chamber. From the context of the passage it is not entirely clear how much of Adam God removed in order to fashion Eve, but let’s just say it was a little bit more significant than just a rib. A large portion, possibly “his better half” as the cliché is fond of noting, was removed from Adam. You could say that he opened Adam up, took out Adam’s side and left him with a chamber needing to be refilled.
I think it is interesting to note here that God knew what he was doing when he created man and woman. He knew that he was creating them intrinsically different. John Eldredge points out in his book, Wild at Heart that Adam was created in the wilderness. God formed Adam in the wild and isn’t until after Adam’s creation that he is introduced into the Garden of Eden. Further, I would like to point out that not only was man created in the wilderness; he was created of the stuff of the wild. God created Adam from the dirt of the ground and then breathed life into him. Eve, on the other hand, was created in the garden and was fashioned from Adam’s flesh—a more refined model, yet still created in the image of God.
Now God had created Adam, in the wilderness, made of the stuff of the wild, and had breathed his essence into him. God had placed Adam into the Garden and commanded him to dominate everything in it. God created Adam to be strong, wild, and fierce, just like him, but just like God needed intimate companionship so did Adam. So, God not only created Adam a suitable companion for him but created it from a portion of Adam’s own being, so that no only would she fulfill his need for companionship, but he would need her to have his missing stuff back, so that he would desire he for intimacy—so he would welcome her into the deepest parts of his being because she already belonged there.
Now the story unfolds from there and God wakes Adam up and introduces Eve to him. Adam, to understate things, is overwhelmingly impressed. He is so impressed that he gives Eve his name. Man in the original language of the text is איש (‘iysh) meaning “man” and אשה (‘ishshah) meaning “woman” or more literally “opposite of man” (Genesis 2:23).
So, there we have man and woman created. Both are completely and uniquely different from each other. Both are completely and uniquely created in the image and likeness of God. When the two come together they form a whole that not only transcends the sum of the parts, but also forms a more complete representation of the image of God. Kind of putting back together the puzzle of the original creation that God separated when he created the two sexes. And, the pairing of that union has been given the potential of creation’s power—to replicate the image of God through the production of offspring, thereby fully completing the image of God represented in the Trinity: Father-Son-Spirit—Man-Woman-Child. This is essential truth, existent since the beginning of history.
The father-daughter relationship is the first experience a little girl has where this bond to her creator is affirmed. The first hint at the complete fulfillment of the image of God is experienced when she knows she has captivated her daddy’s heart. She doesn’t know that yet, but God is there and the revelation will develop over time and become more obvious as her mind develops and her father, her first priest introduces her to God and the revelation provided through the written word.
We live in a world that resists with all of its being the truth that men and women are not equals. They were created uniquely different in the image and likeness of the creator God. Only when these differences can we truly see that image for all that it is. And only then can we understand the miracle that happens in the love relationships that exist between a man and woman whether it is a father and a daughter or the romantic relationship of a husband and a wife. It is in those relationships that the fullness of the image of God is found in all of creation. When that truth is abandoned, the consequence is that man (and woman) is left alone and incomplete, needing to find something to complete himself.
This is where our heroine in Mama Mia, Sophia, has found herself. Never having known her father, there is a big hole in her identity that needs to be filled. There are certain things that only a father can impart to a daughter that she has never had in her life that she has always missed and still wants to know if they can be had in the literal moments before she is to be married. She wants to know if that hole can be filled and if her identity can be made complete so she can finally feel whole before she offers herself as a wife on her wedding day. Her mother, on the other hand, not knowing what her daughter has felt her whole life or that her daughter has orchestrated the arrival of the three possible fathers to her home, just prior to the wedding, is angry because, in her mind, Sophia had never needed a father before and she is not about to be pushed aside by the arrival of one now, just before the wedding.
As I watched this movie, the second time (I honestly was caught up in the fun of the story and the nostalgia of the music the first time around), I couldn’t help but reflect on how sadly it is indicative of the times we live in. An entire planet of people live disconnected from the knowledge that they are the image of their creator on earth. This results in an identity crisis. Because of this identity crisis man runs around trying to find “himself” rather than trying to reconnect with the creator God and reaffirm his identity as the image of God on earth. As a consequence a breakdown begins to occur in all things that would normally affirm the God-image relationship: fathers are deemed as unnecessary, single motherhood is celebrated, marriage is treated as an experiment rather than a commitment, and more parents farm their kids out to daycare so they can have everything they want rather than commit to raising them themselves so their children can have everything they need.
Note: The following paragraphs are for all men, not just fathers.
It is not hard to understand why a girl can reach adulthood feeling that hole in her being. Unfortunately, unlike Sophia, most will never understand the source of that need and will try many dad replacements to fill it with, often on a path of self-destruction. That is why every little girl needs to feel like she is a princess and that she has a king’s heart to captivate. As Men of God we are called to be gap standers. Throughout scripture we are admonished to do the work of true religion—to care for those who are incapable of caring for them, to stand up for the weak, to be fathers to the fatherless, to care for widows and orphans.
Men there are lots of girls out there who have either not had a dad in their lives or have had a dad who have left them wounded and scarred. Some of us may not have children and God may place a little girl who has an absent father on our hearts to be a surrogate father to. Or, maybe another man may have children who have grown and moved away, but God has brought an older girl or even a grown woman into your life who had an abusive or non-existent father who not only never got what they needed from their father growing up but also needs to walk through healing before they can feel whole in that part of their life. These are not only potential father-daughter relationships God is calling you to they are mission opportunities. Pray about them. Discuss them with you wife and open your family to them. It just might be some of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
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